The Art of Listening

I'm listening to the sky here. I do that often. My home speaks to me through vast space.

I’m listening to you, practicing how to be more present and take your words in and feel you and see you and know more of how you got here, what formed you, and where you are now. I’m relaxing, breathing, feeling my body and giving you the space to reveal yourself to me. When you share something, I’m careful to not make it about myself or immediately respond with something that relates to myself but to really let you sink in with me.  And I do not mean “into me” in some codependent and enmeshed way, but as to sense you and understand you a little more deeply.

Most of us were not given the chance to be listened to, much less truly heard, as this incapacity was passed down in most family lineages. Many learned dysfunctional patterns of communication like talking over, dissociating, numbing out, interrupting, comparing, personalizing everything., and dismissing.  The list goes on of what children are modeled by their parents from the line of trauma. This is no one’s fault. Everyone’s running on habits and patterns of communication until they really look at this. Shamanically, this is a way that people waste a lot of energy running these habitual ways of speaking and listening. You can cultivate and re-gather much of your Chi by looking at this. There’s a beautiful opportunity in deepening the art of listening.

When someone is speaking, are you relaxing, feeling your body, breathing, allowing space, allowing them to complete, even allowing pauses, as they collect their thoughts and feelings…without jumping in? This allows a person to truly “be”, to take up space and feel relaxed and safe. Can you allow moments of silence in a conversation and just breathe through even if there is awkwardness? There may be awkwardness only because of our conditioning towards filling up the space and dismissing silence as valuable.

Can you give that person empathy, understanding, feeling “felt”or “seen”?

Many just want to feel felt and seen and understood. What a simple gift that we can give to each other.

And when you’re the speaker talking to someone, do you stay attentive to your audience (the person) and see if they’re still engaged or if you’ve allowed them space to stay with you or for them to respond?  Are you tracking your audience (the person) allowing them time to integrate and take in what you are delivering as everyone has a different rate and ability with this? When you’re the speaker do you still feel your body, your breath and relaxation in the space inside as well?

What a beautiful dance, “the art of truly listening” to something deeper, as the speaker and the listener. Then a kind of union is possible.

I am grateful to the world for constantly teaching me how to be a better listener.

Thank you for listening.

All my love,
Isa Lara Marié